tis now 1am. why am i still up? you may ask such a question and my response is:
i am very anxious about my marks. not that i have my hsc results are out tomorrow, but i finally know how much i failed my extension 1/2 maths exams and chem speech.

this causes more stress than ever? why so? anxiety sucks. im too nervous/stressed out about everything. then, it doesnt help if your friends call you fat either. not that they mean it obviously, well, hope not. :) well, i actually hope this blog will make me feel much better. but then, it also does not help if you just organised an outing the Bondi Beach~~, but then, one of your friend could not go because of some fucking arsehole, who likes to trap their own girlfriend with their own ghastly breath. honestly, he looks like a pig, as fat as america and have the IQ comparable to a swine. actually no, i take that pig, i belive swines are smarter than him. fkn diu.

was so happy about the plans and stuff until some fattard had to ruin it. if i accidentally kick the soccerball in your face tomorrow, it's because it's an accident, not because i intended to. anyways, i was known for being dangerous with a soccerball, right? actually, that's a little mean, hanchao's soccerball does not deserve to touch such a fugly beast. that soleless, selfish asswipe can go fuck himself. grrr.// really want to kick a ball at his face right now :(

mhmm, was in a good mood tell poggy told me about the bad news. because in the last 6 hours, i have accomplished so much. it felt like, i've lost 10kg, and dont worry about my weight anymore. not that i have, or dont need to worry. but i have finally finished the unfinishable. a pile of bio + snr pracs, and maths hwk. now, to think about english. i really dun wanna do romulus O_O. and also.... chemistry topic test might be tomorrow. ewww. would be lucky, if i can bribe singh into giving me a 100% :). i would be the, happiest man alive. yayayaya. well, that would at least prove im coming first in something? right? especially after my depressing results. fkn hell. why cant i be smarter? :(. am gnna have absolutely no life during my holidays. since my results were so depressing, i was literally planning to do all the chapters in a maths book (fitzpatrick 3u), then write notes for chem, bio and snr science (for the whole syllabus) and read romulus my father and frankenstein. then i may probably spend my lifetime revising for shit that would increase my ATAR. damn, i feel so dumb right now. WHY? :(.

starting to feel better now. although i just looked at the mirror and mistakened myself for a raccoon. yeah, that's how horrifying i look right now. wanna test me?
even winkie wont take my mind off the stress. and she usually does a pretty damn good job at this. gah, what's happening to my world? it's falling apart. i blame the hsc. am scared that my ATAR is gnna turn out like shit. So shit that i cant even do the course i wanna do. not that i have any definite course right now. but still, what if i cant get into a good course? i mean, i will need to get a 99.60 at least? right? aint that the highest requirement? for law? or something. i dunno anymore. i feel like i cant get good anymore. save me someone. :( horribly depressed. shall eat my depression away. but then, it would only lead to worse. worse, meaning, i turning morbidly obese, then screw myself over even more. i hate my life. realised that im overweight on friday, the day of donating blood. how? i need to know my weight. once i stepped on to it, it was a really big digit. ah, FML. possibly twice the weight of some people in my grade. am i really double the weight of someone? tis a depressing question. then afterwards, i found out my BMI. ah SHIT. overweight. almost turning into obese. actually, i think i AM obese for asian standards. ASIANS. why are they so skinny for? :(. shall attempt to lose 10kg, so i can be normal again. or can be considered as normal. i envy all the skinny people out there, reading my blog, does not know what FAT feels like.

should i take a rest? a 5 hour nap would be nice. yeah? ill prolli end up blogging even more. i dunno. life sucks right now. do NOT want my exams back. will probably end up crying and asking tutors, etc, for major help. as i promised myself, if i get lower than average, ima drop. but now to the think of it, what are the chances? its like. 1. diu. am probably going to get lower than justin anyways. then ima sob. fkn hell. matrix doesnt help. i need a proper tutor who only pays attention to me.

well, im tired. am going to sleep now with my depressed feelings, and hopefully, going to be happier tomorrow. i mean, i am more cheerful, hopeful, doubtless when im around friends. right? gah iono anymore. am feeling like describing all my friends. showing my appreciation, and what they mean to me. hopefully it will not turn into like, 10 pages long. but right now, i rkn friends are really important. especially the ones who you can share you feelings among, and common interests. or the ones who you simply just talk to about nonsense. iono.

whoa, this has got to be the most boring blog i've ever written. but time has gone past so quickly... i shall continue on next time with my description of each friend :)// hopefully, thinking about everyone (or most people) would help me feel better, if not, smile more. am going to listen to more cheerful songs. nights.